Linda Esser kept secrets. One that she kept from me was that I was her best friend. I did not consciously know that until others began to tell me after she died. Maybe she thought it was understood, but Linda never told me, and that alone speaks volumes about Linda. She was a very private person even with those who knew her best. My perception of a best friend is someone you share everything with. We were very close for two decades and I shared everything with her, but it didn’t seem to go both ways. I knew there was a lot she didn’t tell me, but I figured she was telling someone else. It never occurred to me there were things that she told no one.
With her students of whatever age, in whatever forum, Linda was a bubbling, sparkling, enthusiastic enigma of power and inspiration. From the time I met her in 1989 she had an air of wisdom far beyond her years and she shared it openly with anyone who would listen.
Linda was a seeker and teacher of truth. She did the best she could to heal her life and spent the second half of it making incredible, amazing changes. It finally led her to Robert Smith who tapped on her once a week for six months. The healing changes that created were so phenomenal she left her former passions of teaching art and creating a worldwide peace organization, to devote herself completely to teaching FasterEFT tapping. Following and promoting Robert Smith became Linda’s passion as she taught thousands of people how to heal their lives, myself included.
I believe, because of her automatic, unconscious, emotional programming from a past that was far more traumatic than most, she became extremely resistant to letting anyone else tap on her. After I became a FasterEFT Practitioner, whenever I noticed her being triggered, I offered to tap on her. She always refused and said she tapped on herself daily. I have no doubt that was true. But even a practitioner can be persistent in resistance to revisit particular past traumas, especially ones that have been worked on many times before. That is something I have personally experienced, and my past traumas don’t begin to compare to hers. I believe we all need the help of an objective practitioner, with different perceptions, to help us see the camouflaged tree in the forest, or to simply be a companion and guide along an otherwise dark and lonely path.
In August 2010, she chose to have elective surgery to relieve pain she had not been able to tap away. All the years I knew Linda she had only gone to holistic health practitioners. I expressed my disbelief that she would choose surgery over letting someone else tap on her first. After surgery, she did not heal properly and lost twenty pounds in two months. She became extremely and visibly ill during the week of Practitioner Training seminars that October. Occasionally her color appeared darker than usual, but the next day it might appear normal.
Wednesday morning I spoke with her before the seminar when she was having severe pain. She said she was doing a liver cleanse. We agreed it might be best if she stop that during the seminar, since she had already been triggered about some major, emotional issues on Monday and Tuesday. By the end of the day she was so ill she could barely speak and Robert said, “Bless your heart sweetie. Someone needs to tap on Linda.” I already knew if she would let anyone it would have to be me, so I offered. Her first response was no, but I went back later and offered again saying to let me know if she changed her mind. A while after, she came to me and agreed to let me follow her home when she closed up the seminar room.
The first thing she said when we arrived home was, “I realized in the car that my whole life is a secret.” Linda went to bed. She still would not let me tap on her and asked to be left alone for a while. I went to the living room, but when I heard her call out in pain, I went back to her room and told her, “You have two options, either you let me tap on you or I am taking you to the Emergency Room.” She asked me to go to the pharmacy to get a heating pad for her abdomen, since that might distract her enough to let me tap on her. While I was gone she tapped on herself and with heating pad in place, she allowed me to begin a tapping session.
What happened then is protected by the confidentiality of a private session. What I can say in general terms is that it became obvious to me that her unconscious past references were supporting her symptoms, core beliefs and internal dialogue. After tapping two hours the pain subsided and she was resting peacefully exhausted when I left.
The next day Linda showed up at the seminar sparkling with life and looking like a million bucks. She thanked me for the session, said she had stopped the liver cleanse and had gone to the chiropractor that morning. She finished out the week in seemingly good health. She said she was tired, but showed up at Robert’s costume party on Friday night with boundless energy. When I left for my Kansas home on Saturday, I stopped by her house for a short visit. I didn’t know then that would be the last time I would see her in relative good health. She was tired and knew she needed to rest, but had not been able to turn down a request by a fellow practitioner who needed a session.
That was Linda’s pattern. She would often do sessions on her days off and extend a session past two hours if the client was not clear of an issue. She told me that she would continue to tap on the volunteer demos in her seminars, long after the seminar was due to end. She did not act on my suggestions to stop that and let them come to private sessions instead. She seemed to go non-stop and usually multi-task. She would say she wanted to spend time with me, but I could rarely get her to schedule it because she was over-obligated.
After she attended the TapFest in North Carolina in early November, we only had a few phone visits. The October Seminars had been hard for both of us and I told her I was still tired after three weeks. She said she was too, that she just couldn’t shake the tired feeling. She believed that tiredness was a symptom of resistance to move forward. She agreed she had been working too hard was taking some time off. Since our talks were not on Skype, I did not know that she continued to lose weight.
Linda was very excited about my upcoming trip overseas beginning December 3. She knew how much this trip meant to me, since it was my first time to visit my three grandchildren who live in Japan with my son and his Japanese wife. I had been too ill to travel before I healed from disability with her help and the daily practice of FasterEFT.
We agreed to Skype while I was in Japan, but I was enveloped in the excitement of travel, grandchildren, and living in a two-bedroom house with seven other people. When I was online, she was not. I figured it was either her resistance to technology or the 15-hour time difference. It didn’t seem unusual since I had difficulty connecting with others, too. A few days after Christmas I happened to briefly browse the home page on FaceBook one afternoon when I saw a post of Robert’s, “Keep Linda Esser in your prayers.” WHAT!? I did the time difference and it was 11:45 p.m. yesterday in Oklahoma. I didn’t care if I woke her up, something is serious and she’s not telling me, so I called Linda’s phone.
She answered and said, “Well, I’m still here.” She explained there were tests being done for gallbladder and stomach, but I didn’t realize until the end of the call that “here” meant she was in the hospital. I called on days I could get a connection or that our schedules allowed, but she was always waiting on more tests and more results.
Whatever it was, I believed she could heal it. I kept her in my thoughts and prayers, and rang the bell at the neighborhood temple for her on New Year’s Eve and one afternoon following. There was one more series of tests that was expected to wear her out for a day. I would be on a day trip with my son so we agreed I would call the day after.
The morning of my last day to spend alone with my son, in a sudden change of plans we opted out of a trip to Kyoto in favor of Mt. Shosha. Outside of the time I spent with my family, Mt. Shosha was the absolute high point of my trip and one of the happiest days of my life. After we climbed to the top, I rang the bell for Linda. Most bells are rung only at certain times. This is the Bell of Benevolence and can be rung anytime because it is for world peace. How appropriate, Linda will love that.
The detailed impact of that day was phenomenal for me, but deserves a dedicated story told another day. In short, to climb a mountain and be on my feet for over five hours with only two brief rests, I reached one of my remaining goals for proof of recovery. Every step I took was with the complete thankfulness for Linda teaching me how to heal so I could be there. I was enraptured with joyous energy, peace and gratitude.
That night I laid on my futon and felt the full impact of what I had experienced that day. I was overwhelmed with feelings I could not identify, which flowed freely into tears of amazement at what I had accomplished, and I knew it all connected to Linda.
The next morning, January 5, I received word that my uncle had passed. A few hours later Robert and I happened to show up online at the same time. He typed the news of Linda’s diagnosis into a chat. Fourth stage cancer, she didn’t want Chemo and was being released to Hospice Care. After my disbelief, denial, anger, grief and tapping, the chat segued into an hour-long video talk and tap with Robert.
My talks with Linda became brief. By January 11 when I got home to the USA Robert was in Australia. I was violently ill the first morning and up in the middle of the night on the fourteenth before going to my Uncle’s funeral. Robert was on Skype and we chatted again. I posed the questions now echoed by others.
Robert typed, “If she dies today she is healed. You need to heal.”
I replied, “Yes, I know, but what do we tell others who don’t get it? Why did she die? Why couldn’t she heal from the cancer? They will ask the questions. I am asking the questions.”
Robert Smith: “Here is the deal you are a master and are you healed. I am the teacher. I am healed. We are alive are we healed? Do we still have problems?”
Grace Jones: “Healed from some things, yes, but not totally healed. If she dies she will be totally healed, but if she heals and lives, she can help so many others heal.”
Robert Smith: “I agree. There are decisions she has made or has not addressed or would not let go…”
After a few days of rest at home I headed to Oklahoma to be with Linda and help her family care for her the last ten days of her life. Linda had made it very clear that she did not want any sadness or negative attitudes around her. Everything was to be positive. I honored her request, but ultimately wondered, why do we keep death a secret from the dying?
Linda didn’t want others to see her near the end when she was gaunt with jaundice skin stretched over bone. One day as I helped her sit up, she said, “Look at me! I’m only 50.” I put my hand on her head and said, “I’ve always believed you are an old soul,” and she replied flippantly, “Yeah, ancient.” I believe her words are true.
As I sat with her, there were some moments when she was very lucid and let me know she had come to understand some things she would do differently. In these days I received several messages to carry forward, which I call the Cardinal Principles, another story unto itself.
Did Linda tap on her deathbed? I cannot say for sure, since I wouldn’t know if she mentally tapped or not. As needed, I used Essential Oils and Healing Touch techniques on Linda. Then I sat beside her bed with her friend Susan chanting at the foot, and I surrogate tapped in a chant while Linda looked into my eyes as she took her last breaths. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I believe it helped her pass peacefully and I know it helped us.
Why did Linda die? When I told my 96-year-old mother the repeated questions had been asked again one morning via email, she responded, “Isn’t that the eternal question?” But mother understood, as I do, that in the context of Linda’s and my healing profession, it deserves attention. Why couldn’t she heal herself when she helped so many others to heal? Everyone must find their own answer. I have found mine. Who really knows? It’s all based in perception, theory and belief and we each have or own. Death holds the secrets.
I believe she pushed herself too hard for the benefit of others. She tried to do it all alone, she would rarely ask for help or accept it when offered. If she did, it wasn’t good enough, because it wasn’t how she would do it, and she might redo it her way. She didn’t seek medical help for a diagnosis until long after she had been very ill and lost much more weight, and she kept her illness a secret from family and friends.
As Linda would say, “Everything you do in the present is based on the past.” And so it was with her. She did the best she could, based on her past references. She healed so much of her life that most of you will never know and can’t possibly imagine. Forgive her and heal yourself. Linda would want that. She wouldn’t want anyone to turn away from FasterEFT on account of her death. Once her purpose for this life was fulfilled it was time for her to go on to new worlds of spiritual growth.
I believe there are some people who are carriers of wisdom and knowledge, who share freely with the world to benefit others. I have known many such people in my healing journey. It seems to pass through them without their fully incorporating it into their deepest selves. They teach truth, but may not be fully able to personally practice what they teach. They may be masterfully skilled at helping others sort out their problems, while they struggle to sort their own. I wonder if it is because they don’t realize they need a helper too, or fear that asking would diminish their stature. Maybe they are afraid to let their secrets out.
I hope something here has helped you find your answer. I know a lot that I am not free to share, so if in doubt, you can borrow from my belief. Linda fulfilled her purpose and is a Sparkling Spirit in The Universe. She didn’t cure her cancer, but she is now 100% healed and continues to help us heal. I can only imagine how difficult it was for such a large and powerful spirit to be confined in that tiny body. If she had been able to completely heal all her past traumas, her amazing power would have spread across the world, and so she has. I believe her power is now expanded across The Universe and more accessible to Honor All. I am eternally grateful she showed up in my life and yours.
Do I believe Cancer can be healed with FasterEFT? Yes, but it may require more time and persistence than Linda gave herself. Many people have healed fourth stage cancer with other holistic healing mind/body modalities, without Western Medical treatment. Two who healed more than 25 years ago are still living today, Louise Hay and Cheryl Canfield. If they can heal Cancer without tapping, you may be able to heal it with FasterEFT.
After reading some of Linda’s writing, I was stunned by how she truly had created her own reality. It was all there in the power of her repetitive thoughts, words and beliefs. There were things from her past and present that she still could not let go. If there is one single message I would give you to honor Linda it is this. Be the guardian of every thought, belief, word and secret you hold. If it is from an automatic program of your past, examine it closely, and if it does not serve you, release it and transform it to what you choose. Ask for help, accept help and be relentless in your persistence to heal. Make a conscious choice to take control of your thoughts, emotions and beliefs, because whatever they are will create your reality, life or death.
© Copyright B. Grace Jones 2011