The solo search is necessary for someone whose chameleon pattern since birth was to follow. It’s a subconscious pattern of following others, join a group, to try to fit in even when I suspect I don’t, or at least feel like I don’t. The pattern weaves through my entire life, in all my relationships. Is... Continue Reading →
Do I write to keep myself company, make a record for memories that fade and distort with time, or to have a conversation with myself in hopes I can find solutions to my problems? Do I just ramble on and download some thoughts since there’s no one to talk to? Are memories just heirlooms of illusion? A... Continue Reading →
Grateful for whatever few days in the house I have alone, but if it lasts too long I get into fear and worry about money. I was reminded to practice my mantra, More than I need is already here and I have enough to share. The last month helped me break past an internal barrier of not wanting... Continue Reading →
After only one week of posts I don’t want to abandon the blog completely. I’ve been going through my days, but boring myself. No point in boring others. The idea is being human; let it flow without obligation. Sometimes a flow is suspended or interrupted, diverted for whatever reasons. I won’t force myself into a... Continue Reading →
I took action to get enough information to feel better about a change in direction. Fortunately my real estate advisor is a good friend with a vital professional and financial angle. Complete honesty is easy without feeling embarrassed. She could hear in my voice I don’t sound like myself and I admitted I have been in... Continue Reading →
My first visit to the Rogler Ranch I was eleven years old on a beloved drive in the Flint Hills alone with Dad. He began to slow along Highway 177 in front of the immaculate, white house right before a bridge near the bluff. It had huge two-story colonial columns and a gorgeous, well-kept stone... Continue Reading →
Why am I indoors on a gorgeously sunny spring Saturday? I could be hiking the Tallgrass Prairie but instead I am vacuuming the 1894 wood plank library sub-floor of an historic old house. WHY? I enjoy the mindlessness of the work and a special feeling of being a tiny part of the restoration of a grand... Continue Reading →
I cleared my calendar for another escape, diversion and distraction. I needed to pull me out of my isolation and loneliness so I planned a trip to Kansas City to connect with other practitioners and friends. Almost as soon as I committed to the trip I didn’t want to go. It was not resistance, it... Continue Reading →
Thank God for the lovely outpouring of birthday wishes on Thursday. I was still in a depressive funk, but I continued to go through the motions of celebrating in every way The Universe provided. I watched the negativity in my thoughts and allowed them to play out long enough to realize it is nothing I... Continue Reading →
I worked on the book for 1.5 hours Monday. It was good. I kept it simple by just proofreading and editing the first chapter, which is already fairly clean. It’s an easy way back into the work since I’ve been through it many times before. There are still a few lingering emotions around the family... Continue Reading →
Denali Dragonfly 
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