I can truly say I love myself today; I feel it and connect to the love. I am my own valentine. This afternoon I will be in OKC and I and was there a year ago. I bought myself a ring and I still wear it every day. I’m emotionally ready to make this trip, even though I’m not fully packed yet. My whole approach has been entirely different than any other trip. My inspiration was Peace Pilgrim, who walked across the states with nothing but the clothes on her body living in complete trust and faith that all her needs would be met. Of course, I still packed bags of clothes and shoes, but I’m not taking as many choices as usual.
I recorded the meditation of Soul Light Connection from Pam’s session on my iPhone so now I have it everywhere I go. I listened to it twice yesterday, once before sleep and again this morning when I awoke.
The main theme of my dreams were living in big houses and having my three children and friends come to live or visit. We all got along well, were supportive and good about communicating and sharing ideas, space and responsibilities. There was a movie titled War and I had only seen a clip that looked too intense. Someone told me it is really good and I would like it. The intro was a video montage of subliminal sexual messages to illustrate how the advertising world hooks us in. I consciously knew that, but at the same time I recognized how it was automatically arousing me sexually. It continued to rise until the physical sensations woke me up. Interesting! My own little Valentine’s Day gift.
A lot of snow melted yesterday and more will today. I’m glad the weather has cooperated for the trip. The forecast there is for highs in the 60°s and lows in the 30-40°s. I’m not much in a mood to write this morning. I have a lot to do, plus shower. Just slip myself back into my easy peaceful state of bliss, connecting with my essence of presence in this eternal moment flowing into the next. There is no need to create any internal tension or rush, just flow with the natural energy of life, accepting whatever arises in each moment, releasing what I don’t want and affirming what I do want.
That was partly how I packed. It was easy at first, but I got hooked back into a conditioned response of trying to figure it all out, match it all up and be sure I had what I need for various outfits. When I noticed the tension I stopped, took a break, edited Basking in Bliss and reminded myself what I had told someone else. “It’s not important what I wear in OKC, I may just go in jeans.” I also reminded myself again of Peace Pilgrim and went back to a relaxed approach of packing whatever. If I have to wear something more than once, so what?
In June I didn’t pack enough outfits for the extra day I stayed unexpectedly. Robert said, just wear what you wore yesterday, but I couldn’t get past my program that it’s not okay. Instead I borrowed something from Deanna that didn’t fit and was not my colors. Now I have all those pictures on FaceBook in clothes that aren’t mine. I bet no one else even noticed.
I also thought about not packing makeup. I did, but if I don’t wear it, so what? I already did that in July 2012 and it was a huge leap for me and there are pictures of that too. Plus I let my hair go natural and didn’t wear dark hose to cover my spider veins. I have released so much judgment against my body that I know was mine and no one else held against me. — © Copyright B. Grace Jones 2014 All Rights Reserved.
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