Not Ready For Prime Time

Maple Mocha and Morning Pages is my routine. Wearing glasses all the time used to be my routine, but I decided to change. There are other routines I’m thinking about changing, too. I am undecided about going to OKC in Feb. for training. I’m simply not interested. I’ve done it for five years. It’s a week that I could focus on my book. I have no interest to leave home. I’m sure it would be good and I would learn good stuff. But I’m more in the mode of keeping my own counsel, at least until I get my book done.

That task seems bigger again, and maybe I don’t want to get bogged down reading old journals. It seemed to set me on an indefinable emotional edge yesterday. Even though I tapped through whatever came up, maybe the reading stirs up stuff that stays subliminal. I had feelings through the day that seemed to come up for no reason. I just tapped on what I felt even though I didn’t know why or what the trigger was. I had some throat symptoms during the morning session and had to tap a bit through it. Plus I didn’t feel like I was on top of the session, but the client still got changes on three memories and a lot of mentoring. I woke up this morning with headache and stiffness in neck & face. Yesterday I had aches in my back along my waistline. I have those again this morning. I tapped in bed and on the go, but not a sit-down dedicated session.

My afternoon session cancelled so I had time to visit for an hour on the phone. I noticed emotions surfacing for no apparent reason since I was just listening to someone sort out their patterns in business relationships and giving feedback based on what I’ve learned and experienced. I kept tapping while I listened and talked, just aiming at the emotions and sensations and using a silent “let it go” in my head. That helped curb the unknown emotional edge and the rest of the day was better.

It’s interesting that I keep hearing myself tell other people the stuff I need to practice in my relationships. People are operating from unconscious programs and they may not realize it.  Even if they do, they may not have effective skills to release the programs that don’t serve them as adults. Maybe they don’t want to do that kind of work. Even in the business world it can be like children on a playground, acting out, trying to be heard, seen and understood. The traditional roles show up, and we attract the ones we experienced as children.

I let go of the obligation to make a daily blog post. I don’t want to set myself up for that kind of pressure and distraction from my book. If there’s an excerpt worthy of a public post I will do what I can to make it without the pressure of obligation. Plus, I don’t want blogging to change the tone of what I write in my Morning Pages. They are for me first to privately explore what shows up in my thoughts and emotions, and some of that is not ready for prime time.

© B. Grace Jones 2014 All Rights Reserved.


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