What to choose today? I worked on the book yesterday and felt peace. The process was okay, I read and transcribed without triggers. I simply notice how I created my life then and how it’s not what I want to create now. In 2002 I felt like I was in a dead heat on a merry-go-round. It was ridiculous how I did so many things simultaneously, dated around, socialized, did Alaskan activities and sponsored many people in the 12 steps. They even called me at work. I knew I needed to slow down, but couldn’t until I crashed with physical symptoms. I would go under, lay low, isolate and hide for a weekend. It was crazy. I can see it now, but then, something drove me that I couldn’t moderate.
On email I saw a practitioner uploaded a video. The title made me wonder what are they up to now? I watched half of it before I clicked it off. What! Are they still holding onto and practicing that past trauma? It’s not fair to judge when I didn’t watch the end, but I don’t connect with that approach. It’s over, if you let it go why are you promoting it? Is that what I’m doing with my book? Do I need or want to do that? Isn’t there enough about my story online that I don’t need to write the book? Do I want to continue revisiting the past? It’s just a story now; it’s not real. How much time do I want to spend telling past stories? We become invested in creating an identity from our stories, but that is not who we are. It’s just what happened that brought us to this point in our journey.
My thoughts return to how my mind was already set up before Linda taught me to tap. Plus I was fasting and meditating when I started. I believe that played an important part in my immediate huge shifts that sometimes others can’t seem to get. It is a piece that motivates me to write the book so that people will understand how to do what I did. It may not have been only the tapping that healed me; it may include some things I practiced before tapping. What you do before you do it affects what you do. It’s the system I teach my clients. Yes I venture slightly from the FasterEFT system but only in the personalized way it worked for me.
What is my motive for writing the book? I used to think it is the best way I can help the most people. It is my purpose. It is the one thing only I can do. It is a way to honor and BE myself, speak my truth. If only it were that simple. When I read these words twelve years from now, I will see it from an ever-changing perspective. I do my best each moment.
Revisiting is sometimes good, as long as I release the emotional traumas around it. I see where I was, I begin to understand it better, I let go of the beliefs that kept me stuck and see how I can make better choices now. I can choose not to write this book. I make a choice every day to write or not to write. But I love to write. It’s like sculpting with words, weaving stories that people like to read. It is entertainment, which is why it’s important to develop the character of Alaska. It is an integral part of my story, an interest to hold the reader’s attention through the drudgery of disability. — © B. Grace Jones 2014 All Rights Reserved.